17
May

You too can talk like a cop

   Posted by: John G. Whitacre   in Language

I heartily disagree with people who complain about police officers and speed traps and such. I am thankful for law enforcement, and I despise speeders, tailgaters and obnoxious drivers. But I would like to teach policemen and dispatchers the fine points of clear, concise speaking and writing.
I read a plethora of police reports in the line of duty, and I hear scads of scanner chatter. In the course of all that law enforcement reading and listening, I regularly notice the unnecessary verbosity of police officers and dispatchers. Read the rest of this entry »

17
May

Eutzly, May 17, 2013

   Posted by: John G. Whitacre   in Eutzly

IMG_7052 IMG_7053 IMG_7056 IMG_7057

9
May

Say farewell to historical present

   Posted by: John G. Whitacre   in General

(Read Column) *** (Paragraph Selection) *** (Special Features) *** (Previews)
An Alliance Review column … A Scriptorium production … A presentation from John  G. Whitacre, aided by Amanda Weber and Christopher Schillig
(The following commentaries do not reflect the views of The Alliance Review, its readers, its advertisers, its subscribers, or the gerbils and birds whose cages it lines. The author is not responsible for editorial changes made after submission of his work. The Alliance Review and the author are not responsible for financial loss, dismemberment or death inflicted upon readers who try any ideas suggested by the author’s piece. This essay may or may not be a work of fiction and makes no claim to historical authenticity.)
* * *
So I say to fellow columnist Chris Schillig last week how much I hate historical present. I can tell he feels less strongly about it than I do, but he is interested in hearing my thoughts. Historical present (HP hereafter) is the use of present tense to describe past happenings, and it drives me bonkers.
Museum guides love HP. Perhaps they think it makes the action sound more immediate, but it just irritates me. The tour guide:
“Jedediah marries Jememiah, and they live in a small log cabin while Jed builds a frame house, which Jem demands during their prenuptial discussion. ‘I ain’t livin’ in no gol-durn log cabin,’ she tells him. ‘If you make me live there, I’ll up and R-U-N-N-O-F-T.’ Jed works all summer on the frame house, but a tornado rips through the countryside and destroys his work,” and so on.
HP annoys me mainly because it is annoying, but at times it creates confusion, when the guide truly needs the present tense, and you, the visitor, can’t tell when the action happened. I get so annoyed at the tour guide using HP that I begin to focus more on his use of HP than on the information offered, and I eventually drift back in to the conversation after Jem threatens to divorce Jed unless he remodels the kitchen in the new house, which is almost flattened by an earthquake, and now they have 15 kids, and one of them won’t quit twangin’ the banjer. So when did the quake happen, I wonder, and where did all those kids come from?
Does some international museum guide training program give lessons in the use of HP? Its use is nearly universal and ubiquitous. I’ll congratulate and generously tip the tour guide who has the daring to use good old past tense, but I figure I can spend that money on beer because I’ll never need it otherwise.
* * *
Paragraph Selection: 1. John Whitacre complains to Chris. 2. Jed marries Jem. 3. Annoyance. 4. Training programs.
* * *
Editor’s commentary: This column describes Whitacre’s passionate hatred of  historical present. He first presented the idea for the column to me over margaritas at Don Pancho’s. We envisioned Salma Hayek in the lead role as the museum guide who uses historical present, so we called her, and she loved the idea. She offered to do the part for free because it is her dream role. We wanted Don Knotts in the supporting role, but someone reminded us that he has gone on to Mayberry-in-the-Sky.
* * *
Previews:
1. The guitar loaded with music: John finds a bundle of blues packed in his new mahogany Martin guitar. 2. Talk like a cop: John campaigns for plain English in the law enforcement profession. 3. A visit to Lincoln: John visits his friend Dale in Nebraska. 4. The mandocello: John discusses the big, deep cousin of the mandolin.

21
Apr

John Herrington

   Posted by: John G. Whitacre   in History — 18th Century, History — Ohio

IMG_6616I went to Herrington Cemetery in Carroll County, Ohio, south of a small town named Augusta, for a funeral on Saturday and discovered the grave of Revolutionary War veteran John Herrington next to the old stone church, which was built in 1843. Note the years on Herrington’s gravestone; he lived to be 103. I found the following biography on the Carroll County Historical Society website, and if you don’t want to read it all, skip to the end and read about Herrington walking to vote at age 100. (I apologize for the camera strap in the photos; I was in a hurry, and my presbyopia and myopia always force me to remove my glasses to look at my camera screen, which I did not do.)

John Herrington:
Founder of Herrington Bethel Methodist Church
January 1, 1759 was a significant day in the history of Herrington Bethel Church. That is the date of its founder John Herrington’s birth. Herrington family traditional stories vary, but a common thread runs through them that John’s parents died as a result of an Indian attack when he was quite young. Some accounts say he was eighteen months old, others two years old; still others say he was five years of age. Read the rest of this entry »

18
Apr

Sorry, I’m not a localvore

   Posted by: John G. Whitacre   in General

Standing in line at Marc’s one Friday, I was craving fruit and spices, and I made this list: coffee, chocolate, lime juice, chiles, garlic, onion, cinnamon and banana, intending to make everything on that list part of that day’s diet. I had already had coffee, but the remainder needed attention. Later I added nuts, tea, vanilla, pepper and oils to the list.
You may notice that many of these foods come from the tropics or subtropical regions. I discovered that fact when, a few years ago, I studied and wrote columns about cocoa (published in The Review March 13, 2007), chiles (Dec. 9, 2008) and pineapples (March 6, 2007). It seems that many of our most flavorful foods and spices come from the warm regions. Read the rest of this entry »

11
Apr

Daffodils, death and departure

   Posted by: John G. Whitacre   in General

IMG_6554Yellow daffodils were in full bloom when I stopped at my parents’ house on Wednesday. Those cheery flowers of spring gave a false impression that all was well inside, that my mother was in there sitting on her couch knitting, but she died in November, and it was ironic that those flowers were flourishing after my mother was gone. It’s only the latest in this type of nearly automatic reaction to seeing from the outside the house where I spent my childhood, looking convincingly but deceivingly normal while inside the walls and floors echo the structure’s emptiness. Read the rest of this entry »

5
Apr

Historical style corn crib

   Posted by: John G. Whitacre   in History — Ohio

Traditional mortise and tenon joints support the roof.

Traditional mortise and tenon joints support the roof.

A new corn crib at Huston-Brumbaugh Nature Center, combining old barn timbers and new siding, will soon educate visitors on the historical side of the former Huston farm. Campbell Brothers farms of Washington Township donated an old barn that stood along Salem Church Street, and some of that wood has found a new home in the small corn crib, which will help to interpret Ohio farming methods.
J.A. Mehl Restoration Inc. of Washington Township is building the crib. Owner Jim Mehl said the barn timbers date to the 1860s or 1870s.
Mehl and his crew — Ed Znosko and Bud Murphy — sawed the main timbers at Mehl’s shop to make them the proper size for the crib and assembled them there using the traditional mortise and tenon joining technique, in which wooden pegs are pounded into holes in the beams, attaching angled supports to connect the vertical and horizontal members. They will leave hand-hewn timbers exposed — Mehl said the hand hewing is one factor he uses to date a barn. Read the rest of this entry »

8
Mar

The flood of 1913 and the Ohio and Erie Canal

   Posted by: John G. Whitacre   in History — Ohio

Photos of Ohio riverside cities in late March 1913 show buildings surrounded by water, where water should not have been. The tremendous Easter weekend flood, part of a storm that brought tornadoes and high water to the U.S. from Nebraska to the East Coast and down the Mississippi valley, caused 752 deaths in Ohio, and it ended once and for all — and in one city with a blast — the state’s canal system.
Ohio’s canals opened the state to economic development in the mid-1800s. The Ohio and Erie Canal broke ground south of Newark in 1825, and the first stretch opened from Cleveland to Akron in 1827, reaching Stark County soon after. The canals brought prosperity to a state that had been isolated and struggling. But by 1900 canals were in decline, giving way to the railroads, and a series of improvements to locks in the early 1900s in the northern portion of the O&E were a last-ditch effort to save the canals in their last gasp of usefulness. That work was proven pointless a few years later when the flood hit the state. Read the rest of this entry »

24
Jan

“Scrug your bonnet”

   Posted by: John G. Whitacre   in Hats and Caps

Tams6If you wear a Highland bonnet, you should scrug it, and you may decorate it with a cockade or a clan badge if you wish.
“Scrug your bonnet” is an old saying meaning to cock up one side to look smart or bold, as defined in “The Scottish Dialect Dictionary” (I love those specialty lexicons), the verb “cock” meaning to turn up one side. The cockade is a small piece of fabric sewn to represent a flower and indicating the wearer’s loyalty. The clan badge, a metal ornament made to resemble a leather belt encircling an emblem and bearing the clan motto, declares the wearer’s family. For example, the Clan Wallace badge shows an arm clutching a weapon and the motto “Pro Libertate.” Read the rest of this entry »

18
Jan

Thesaurus Day

   Posted by: John G. Whitacre   in Books

Thesauri2 It’s Thesaurus Day, brought to you by the man who can’t have just one of anything. Read the rest of this entry »

  • Buy Cheap what's better viagra cialis levitra Now Guaranteed Shipping. Drugs, Health And Beauty.
  • Buy Cheapest viagra story Online Best Internet. Cheap Prescription Drugs.
  • Buy Cheapest overnight levitra Online Guaranteed Shipping. Best Drugstore.
  • Buy Cheapest generic viagra professional Online Cheap Pharmacy Online. Pharmacy Store.
  • Buy Cheap sildenafil order Now Cheap Online Pharmacy. Online Medical Shop.
  • Buy Cheapest brand cialis online no prescription Now Best Online. The Largest Internet Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap no prescription generic cialis Online Top Online Pharmacy Supplier. Best Prices.
  • Buy Cheap viagra 50mg pills Online Online Prices For viagra 50mg pills! Low Prices.
  • Buy Cheapest how long will it take for viagra to work Now Safe And Secure Payment System. Low Prices.
  • Buy Cheap tadalafil without Online Internet Prices For tadalafil without! Pharmacy Store.
  • Buy Cheapest generic cialis cheapest lowest price Now Low Prices. Discount Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheapest uni pharmacy support Now WorldWide Shipping. No Prescription Needed.
  • Buy Cheapest generic viagra online canada no prescription Now Top Online Pharmacy Supplier. Low Prices.
  • Buy Cheap sildenafil citrate soft tablets Now Buy Medications Online. Pharmacy Store.
  • Buy Cheapest levitra soft Online Pharmacy Store. Top Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap ed drug comparison Online 24/Online Pharmacy. Best Drugstore.
  • Buy Cheap viagra cialis and levitra Now Discount Pharmacy Online. Best Internet.
  • Buy Cheapest online pharmacy coupons Now Best Online. Drugs, Health And Beauty.
  • Buy Cheap buy viagra professional without prescription Now Buy Medications Online. Online Medical Shop.
  • Buy Cheapest buying canadian pharmacy Now Internet Prices For buying canadian pharmacy! Best Drugstore.
  • Buy Cheapest buy cialis brand Now Buy Medications Online. WorldWide Shipping.
  • Buy Cheap levitra forum Now FDA Approved Rx: Online Pharmacy. Low Prices.
  • Buy Cheapest symptoms of cialis Online Best Internet. Drugs, Health And Beauty.
  • Buy Cheap canadian viagra safe Now Internet Prices For canadian viagra safe! Best Online.
  • Buy Cheapest blue pills that get you high Now WorldWide Shipping. 24/Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheapest rx levitra Now Best Online. The Largest Internet Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap viagra buy no prescription Now WorldWide Shipping. Top Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy symptoms of cialis Without Prescription Doctor. Best Internet. Best Prices.
  • Buy Cheap generic viagra australia reviews Now Low Prices. No Prescription Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap where can i buy cialis Online Best Online. Pharmacy At The Best Price!
  • Buy Cheap is there a generic cialis Online Order Cheap Meds Without Rx. Best Online.
  • Buying Cheap buy best generic levitra tablets without a prescription. Mexican Rx, Good Prices. 24/Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap is viagra over the counter Now 24/Internet)(safe Pharmacy. Pharmacy Store.
  • Buy Cheap pfizer drug Online Best Drugstore. No Prescription Needed.
  • Buy viagra free Without Prescription Doctor. Pharmacy Store. Low Prices.
  • Buy Cheapest buy cheap viagra online with prescription Now Buy Medications Online. Free Viagra Pills!
  • Buy Cheap cialis or viagra which is better Now Top Online Pharmacy. WorldWide Shipping.
  • Buy Cheap cost cialis 20 mg Online 24/Online Pharmacy. Top Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap took viagra Online Cheap Pharmacy Online. Best Drugstore.
  • Buy Cheap erectile dysfunction levitra Online Buy Medications Online. Best Internet.
  • Buy Cheap viagra jelly buy online cheap Now Low Prices. Safe And Secure Payment System.
  • Buy Cheapest pfizer prescriptions Now WorldWide Shipping. Cheap Pharmacy Online.
  • Buy Cheapest cheap generic cialis no prescription Now Safe And Secure Payment System. Low Prices.
  • Buy Cheapest taking viagra cialis or levitra Online Order Cheap Meds Without Rx. Low Prices.
  • Buy Cheap viagra design Now Guaranteed Shipping. 24/Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap cialis levitra or viagra for impotence Online Online Prices For cialis levitra or viagra for impotence! Pharmacy Store.
  • Buy Cheap generic viagra soft Online Best Prices. Online Prices For generic viagra soft!
  • Buy Cheapest viagra online pharmacy canada Now WorldWide Shipping. Online Medical Shop.
  • generic viagra pills Online Without Prescription Low Prices. Free Viagra Pills!
  • Buy Cheap lowest price cialis online Now 24/Internet)(safe Pharmacy. Best Prices.
  • Buy Cheap cost of viagra 100mg Now Special Prices For cost of viagra 100mg! Best Prices.
  • Get canadian generic cialis Without Prescription Consultation. 24/Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap sildenafil 100mg dosage Online WorldWide Shipping. 24/Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap cheap cialis canada Online Free Viagra Pills! Online Medical Shop.
  • Buy Cheapest viagra cialis no prescription fast Online Best Drugstore. Cheap Pharmacy Online.
  • Buy Cheap online generic pharmacy Now Cheap Prescription Drugs. Pharmacy Store.
  • Buy Cheapest generic viagra soft Now WorldWide Shipping. Cheap Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap tadalafil effects Now Guaranteed Shipping. No Prescription Needed.
  • Buy Cheap viagra logo Online Cheap Prescription Drugs. Best Internet.
  • Buy Cheap viagra fda Online Best Drugstore. Pharmacy At The Best Price!
  • canadian pharmacy discount Online Without Prescription Low Prices. Best Internet.
  • Buy Cheapest viagra how works Now Best Online. 24/Internet)(safe Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap cialis generic levitra propecia viagra Online Top Online Pharmacy Supplier. Best Prices.
  • Buy Cheap levitra 10mg tablets Now Low Prices. Internet Prices For levitra 10mg tablets!
  • Buy Cheap overnight levitra Now Low Prices. FDA Approved Rx: Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap viagra online best price Now Best Prices. Cheap Meds Without Prescription.
  • Buy Cheapest cheap viagra uk paypal Now WorldWide Shipping. Online Medical Shop.
  • Buy Cheap levitra 10mg side effects Online Special Prices For levitra 10mg side effects! Best Online.
  • Buy Cheapest levitra vs viagra cialis Now Discount Pharmacy Online. Low Prices.
  • Buying Cheapest legal viagra. Mexican Rx, Best Prices. Free Viagra Pills!
  • Buy Cheap viagra diet Online Best Prices. Cheap Prescription Drugs.
  • Buy Cheapest find cialis online Online Best Prices. No Prescription Needed.
  • Buy Cheapest buy cheap viagra online uk Now Free Viagra Pills! Cheap Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap cheapest place to buy viagra online Online Guaranteed Shipping. Cheap Pharmacy Online.
  • Buy Cheap forum levitra Now No Prescription Needed For Drugs. Best Online.
  • Buy Cheap is cialis safe Now Top Online Pharmacy. Drugs, Health And Beauty.
  • Buy Cheap sildenafil citrate uk Online Best Drugstore. Guaranteed Shipping.
  • Buy Cheapest uses for viagra Now Pharmacy Store. Internet Prices For uses for viagra!
  • Buy Cheap cialis without a prescription paypal Now Low Prices. Top Online Pharmacy Supplier.
  • Buy levitra 100mg pills Online Without Prescription. Best Internet. Low Prices.
  • Buy Cheapest cialis levitra or viagra for impotence Online 24/Online Pharmacy. Best Prices.
  • Buy Cheapest vardenafil professional Online No Prescription Needed. Best Drugstore.
  • Buy Cheapest taking finesteride and viagra side effects Online Best Internet. Cheap Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap viagra jelly online pharmacy without a prescription Online Special Prices For viagra jelly online pharmacy without a prescription! Best Internet.
  • Buy Cheap what is viagra pro Now WorldWide Shipping. Top Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheapest what is levitra 20 mg Now We Can Offer You Visit Our Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap real levitra Online Best Prices. The Largest Internet Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheapest side effects of viagra and alcohol Now 24/Online Pharmacy. Top Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap cialis for men what does it do Now Safe And Secure Payment System. Best Online.
  • Buy Cheapest levitra online Now 24/Online Pharmacy. Best Internet.
  • Buying Cheapest taking levitra. Mexican Pharmacy, Good Prices. Best Online.
  • side effects of viagra and alcohol Online Without Prescription Low Prices. Top Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheapest levitra professional online canada no prescription discounts Online Cheap Pharmacy Online. Best Drugstore.
  • Buy Cheap buy viagra online without rx Now WorldWide Shipping. Online Prices For buy viagra online without rx!
  • Buy Cheap buy cialis online usa Online Drugs, Health And Beauty. Best Online.
  • Buy Cheapest cialis for erection Now Cheap Online Pharmacy. Top Online Pharmacy.
  • Buy Cheap tadalafil no prescription Now Top Online Pharmacy Supplier. Pharmacy Store.
  • Buy Cheap viagra and alcohol side effects Now Top Online Pharmacy. Online Medical Shop.
  • Buy Cheap medicine levitra 20mg Now Special Prices For medicine levitra 20mg! Best Internet.
  • Buy Cheap cheap drugs viagra cialas Now The Largest Internet Pharmacy. Best Online.