Archive for the ‘Smile a While’ Category

Post-apocalyptic humor?

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Over at The Millions, Jacob Lambert has been writing a comedic translation of Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road.”

A Meditation on Trees

Monday, March 1st, 2010

treeforMLLisaScalfaro-lo

At last, we say goodbye to the seemingly endless January and February and hello to March, the promise of spring to come. But before we welcome the verdant green that will be here in a few weeks, let’s pause to look around.

Take a look at a large tree. Have you ever noticed that, without leaves, the branches look just like the roots? It looks as if a giant hand had pulled the tree out of the ground whole, turned it upside-down, and shoved it back down in the ground, with the roots sticking out.

So, imagine that the “roots” you can see are trying to pull nutrients out of the air as roots pull them out of the soil. Can you imagine yourself mustering up your own energy and sending it to the tree, to feed it? Try it. Send it positive thoughts of strength, health, sunshine, love. And as soon as you do, I’ll bet the tree sends you more, right back. You may feel foolish at first, but eventually, I’ll bet it will make you smile.

We are all part of one energy force. Feed a tree.

Thank you to Lisa Scalfaro for the beautiful photograph.

Be happy!

Friday, February 26th, 2010

UltimateHappinessRxTheShiftPocketPeaceZorsGuideAnIndulgenceADay

Today’s “One for the Books” column is “Don’t Worry; Be Happy!”

Novelist suggests Top 10 fictional jobs

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

The Guardian has published novelist Aifric Campbell’s list of the top 10 jobs found in fictional works. Fun and interesting. The jobs range from spy to cowboy to estate agent.

Happy birthday, Norman Rockwell

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

NormanRockwellTheProblemWeAllLiveWith

Norman Rockwell was born on Feb. 3, 1894. I just adore his artwork. Actually, I saw him in person once, in a restaurant where I worked after high school.

Here are a few of my favorite Rockwell pieces.

NormanRockwellSelfPortrait

NormanRockwellTheGoldenRule

NormanRockwell_FreedomOfWorship

NormanRockwellGirl

An analogy as bad as …

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

The English Teachers Network has put together the worst analogies ever written in a high school essay. Very funny!

The great book purge

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

waytoomanybooks.

From The Millions, Edan Lepucki describes how she and Patrick went about purging some of the overflowing books from their apartment. This is hitting WAY too close to home for me! (By the way, this photo strongly reminds me of my Uncle Swick’s Old Book Store in Akron in the 1950s-60s+. (Lionel Swicker — what a great name.) Books EVERYWHERE!)

Writers should not date other writers?

Monday, January 11th, 2010

HTML Giant suggests reasons why writers should not date other writers.

And The Guardian asks whether readers should date non-readers.

Have a wonderful new year!

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

happy-new-year

Happy birthday people

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

Happy_Birthday-1.

Happy Birthday wishes today to …

Ted Danson
Paula Poundstone
Yvonne Elliman
Jennifer Ehle
Mary Tyler Moore
Jon Voight
Jude Law
Marianne Faithfull
Princess Kako of Akishino

oh, yeah, and to me!

Jane Austen and the monsters

Monday, December 28th, 2009

P&P&zombiesOMG. First there was “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance, Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem,” which takes the classic Jane Austen novel and adds in monster attacks. I thought it was a joke — and a pretty funny one — but the joke was on me: It’s real! It’s also selling very well.

Then there was “Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.” As a laugh, I said, “What’s next? ‘Mansfield Park and Mummies’?”

But lo and behold, there already is one! “Mansfield Park and Mummies: Monster Mayhem, Matrimony, Ancient Curses, True Love, and Other Dire Delights.” There’s also “Emma and the Werewolves: Jane Austen’s Classic Novel with Blood-Curdling Lycanthropy.”

It’s only a matter of time before somebody comes up with monsters that go well with “Persuasion” and “Northanger Abbey.”

Oh, BTW, my Kindle version of “P&P & Zombies” is illustrated.

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 25th, 2009

Villagesnowing

Have a Merry Christmas!

christmas-santa2reindeer

Another Christmas card

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

XmascardenvelopeClick here
or on the envelope
for another
Christmas e-card.

Christmas card

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

XmasTreeCard

Click here
or on the tree
for a
Merry Christmas
e-card.

Some Christmas cheer

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Santaandonereindeer

The Nostalgia League offers “A Visit from St. Nicholas in the Ernest Hemingway Manner” by James Thurber.

Santa Paws

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

Lyons Photography

Lyons Photography

Italian greyhounds Lola, left, and Luigi have their photo taken with Santa at Hattie Larlham’s Santa Paws event. See the article in the Record-Courier.

Santa jigsaw puzzle

Monday, December 14th, 2009

SantacardClick here for your very own interactive Santa jigsaw.

12 Days of Christmas

Monday, December 14th, 2009

christmas_wallpaper_4Do you know what the symbolism represents in the song “The 12 Days of Christmas”? Here’s one interpretation:

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality the children could remember.

  • The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
  • Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
  • Three French hens stood for faith, hope, and charity.
  • The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.
  • The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
  • The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
  • Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit — Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
  • The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
  • Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit — Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.
  • The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.
  • The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
  • The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles’ Creed.

A Christmas story

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very rundown and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.

They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc., and on December 18 they were ahead of schedule and just about finished. On December 19 a terrible tempest, a driving rainstorm, hit the area and lasted for two days.

On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high.

The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home.

On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity, so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover up the hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the church.

By this time it had started to snow. An older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later.

She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and how it covered up the entire problem area.

Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle. Her face was like a sheet. “Pastor,” she asked, “where did you get that tablecloth?” The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials EBG were crocheted into it there. They were. These were the woman’s own initials, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria.

The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten the tablecloth. The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria. When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave. Her husband was going to follow her the next week. He was captured, sent to prison, and she never saw her husband or her home again.

The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth, but she made the pastor keep it for the church. The pastor insisted on driving her home, saying that was the least he could do. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.

W hat a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve. The church was almost full. The music and the spirit were great. At the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return.

One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighborhood, continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn’t leaving.

The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war; how could there be two tablecloths so much alike?

He told the pastor how the Nazis had come, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put in prison. He never saw his wife or his home again, all the 35 years since then.

The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier.

He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman’s apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.

True Story – submitted by Pastor Rob Reid
oldxmastreeblinking

Happy Thanksgiving

Thursday, November 26th, 2009

ThanksgivingFeast

Thanksgiving greetings!

May your stuffing be tasty.

May your turkey be plump.

May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump.

May your pies take the prize.

May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

[Click here for e-card.]

Changing a light bulb

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Here’s a bit of humor from my e-mail.

How Many Christians Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Charismatic: Only one – Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None – Candles only. (Of guaranteed origin of course)

Baptists: At least fifteen – One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: Three – One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five – One to change the light bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way and tinted, all of which are equally valid to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: Six – One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None – Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Amish: What’s a light bulb?

‘Wuthering Bites’?

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

Just for a laugh, here’s a link to a page of McSweeney’s featuring Catherine and Heathcliff of “Wuthering Heights,” auditioning for a role in the vampire movie “Twilight.”

The perfect man and the perfect woman

Friday, November 20th, 2009

perfectmanwomanThis link was sent to me in an e-mail. Very funny!

2009 Bulwer-Lytton winners

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

The winners of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2009 have been announced.

Here’s the winner:

Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full moon, when the wind is blowin’ off Nantucket Sound from the nor’ east and the dogs are howlin’ for no earthly reason, you can hear the awful screams of the crew of the “Ellie May,” a sturdy whaler Captained by John McTavish; for it was on just such a night when the rum was flowin’ and, Davey Jones be damned, big John brought his men on deck for the first of several screaming contests.
— David McKenzie, Federal Way, WA

I haven’t read them all yet, but I love this one:

How best to pluck the exquisite Toothpick of Ramses from between a pair of acrimonious vipers before the demonic Guards of Nicobar returned should have held Indy’s full attention, but in the back of his mind he still wondered why all the others who had agreed to take part in his wife’s holiday scavenger hunt had been assigned to find stuff like a Phillips screwdriver or blue masking tape.
— Joe Wyatt, Amarillo, Texas

Home, sweet home

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

From my e-mail:

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

puppysleepingI cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years — canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is this: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

kittensleepingTo all non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. They live here. You don’t.

2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it “fur”-niture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, they are animals. To us, they are our adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours, and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because:

  • They eat less,
  • They don’t ask for money all the time,
  • They are easier to train,
  • They normally come when called,
  • They never ask to drive the car,
  • They don’t hang out with drug-users,
  • They don’t smoke or drink,
  • They don’t want to wear your clothes,
  • They don’t have to buy the latest fashions,
  • They don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
  • If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

‘As Time Goes By’ reruns begin again

Monday, October 12th, 2009

If you’re at all an Anglophile, don’t miss the first episode of “As Time Goes By.” The entire series will start up again at 8 p.m. Oct. 24 in N.E. Ohio on Channels 45 and 49.

This show has GOT to rank up there among the best sitcoms ever made!

Fun with collective nouns

Monday, October 12th, 2009

One of the fun features I’ve come to love about Google is the community feedback on a topic. One Web site asks us to contribute our suggestions for the names of collective nouns. Here are a few:

a service of waiters – a remembrance of dreams – a party of mustaches

a slurry of bagsnatchers – a pestilence of 10 year olds – a deposit of millionaires

a squabble of politicians – an interference of mangers – an extravagance of millionaires

a correction of editors – a scribe of editors – an output of managers

a kindle of kittens – a soupline of journalists – a vault of millionaires

a tipple of whiskies – a proof of whiskies – a yowling of cats

a balance of judges – a swoon of zombies – a grandiosity of opera singers

a flight of dragons – a flush of plumbers – a flame of dragons

a conflagration of dragons – a prickle of hedgehogs – a huddle of hedgehogs

A great day for grammarians!

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

Happy National Punctuation Day!

Just Two Words

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009

Two-monks-enjoying-the-view

There once was a monastery that was very strict. Following a vow of silence, no one was allowed to speak at all. But there was one exception to this rule. Every ten years, the monks were permitted to speak just two words. After spending his first ten years at the monastery, one monk went to the head monk. “It has been ten years,” said the head monk. “What are the two words you would like to speak?”

“Bed… hard…” said the monk.

“I see,” replied the head monk.

Ten years later, the monk returned to the head monk’s office. “It has been ten more years,” said the head monk. “What are the two words you would like to speak?”

“Food… stinks…” said the monk.

“I see,” replied the head monk.

Yet another ten years passed and the monk once again met with the head monk who asked, “What are your two words now, after these ten years?”

“I… quit!” said the monk.

“Well, I can see why,” replied the head monk. “All you ever do is complain.”

(from Zen Stories to Tell Your Neighbors)

Happy Rosh Hashanah to you!

Friday, September 18th, 2009

rosh-hashana-tapestryThe Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown today.

L’Shana Tova Tika Tevu!
Happy Rosh Hashanah!