Media & Uncategorized 23 Jul 2008 04:51 am

What if Dr. Seuss wrote horror?

If Dr. Seuss ever rhymed a horror story for kids, the results might look and sound like this:

Frankula

In Frankenstein’s window flew a vampire bat.

He turned into a man and hung up his hat.

“Dracula’s the name, from Transylvania way,

I need a transfusion, and I’m willing to pay.”

 

But the good doctor was out at the body parts store

He wasn’t expected back until four.

This Dracula learned from Frankenstein’s daughter,

A scientist, too, just like her father.

She put down her tools — a bolt and some nuts –
And opened the fridge for some prime-beef cuts,
Which she put in a blender and shot full of juice
(The electrical kind, enough to knock out a moose).

She gave the potion to the old vampire,
Who knocked it back quick, then began to perspire.
“What’s in this concoction?” he asked with a start,
“It’s so full of lightning it made my hair part.”

“It’s a little something I made off the cuff
To cure you of all this blood-drinking stuff.
You’re effectively healed of your crimson addiction
So you can give up all that maiden-neck friction.”

Drac was so pleased, and thanked her sincerely.
Centuries of night shifts had made him quite weary.
“How can I ever repay you, my dear?”
“Dinner and a movie — the theater’s near.”

So Count Dracula and Frankenstein’s daughter, Fay,
Got a bite to eat the old-fashioned way.
No necks were bitten, no blood was lost.
They got along splendidly and split the meal’s cost.

After the movie — “Batman,” you know –
He brought her back home on a wolf, white as snow.
Doc Frankenstein waited, scowl on his face
And like all fathers do, he got on her case.

But that didn’t stop Fay and Count Drac,
Cured and reformed, the next night he came back.
They dated three months, it was more than a fling,
And on September the First, he gave her a ring.

They married on Halloween, because monsters can.
Igor played the violin and stood in as best man.
Frankenstein didn’t come, he was simply too busy
Bringing monsters to life, hair all frizzy.

The creatures broke loose, as creatures will do,
And ran amok through the village, and tore up the zoo.
Each villager was ready, with pitchfork and torch
To march on the castle and set fire to its porch.

But Drac stepped in with a call to his dogs
Who chased the poor monsters right into a bog.
They caged them and made them a new tourist trap,
People paid to see — it put the town on the map.

After that, Doc and Drac made amends,
More than just in-laws, they became fast friends.
Nine months later, almost to the night,
Drac and Fran had a baby, with a big overbite.

Frankula, they call her, a beautiful child
With tiny bat-wings that flit ’round wild.
But when she gets hungry, you’d better stand back
Unless you want to be her late-night snack!

2 Responses to “What if Dr. Seuss wrote horror?”

  1. on 01 Dec 2008 at 1.dr.angel said …

    ha that’s funny i wish they worte the story like a book about grinch night that would be awsome!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. on 11 Feb 2010 at 2.Cassandra Dalton said …

    This is so much better then Dr. Suess, there are WAY less forced rhymes made up with whimsical words. You should publish it. Under the name of Chris Gillihcs.

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